I rush to the stage, waving my Miss America wave as I go, tripping on the dangly sequin thingies hanging from my gown.
I clamber to the stage, grinning for the world to see my pearly whites, along with my freshly trimmed nostril hairs, and my chronic bad hair whipped into submission.
I grab the Zombie Chicken award from Insanity Kim and quickly turn to the microphone.
"Thank you!" I cry. The audience cringes as feedback squeals manically.
"This is such a surprise! Hold on, I have notes..." I fumble my Zombie Chicken award whilst hunting for my folded up napkin that is tucked close to my armpit in my dress. Hey, it's not like I had pockets in this fancy thing. At least I wore deodorant.
I unfold my notes and see that the sweat from the armpit region has completely obliterated all my notes, except for the word FEBREZE. Alas, I shall just have to wing it.
"Umm. So, this Zombie Chicken award is super special because it means that someone thinks I am worth braving an army of zombie chickens pecking away at them with danger of disease and death at every corner just to read my blog!" I wipe a tear.
"So I'd like to thank my Hubs and kids, for their inspiration, and to my blog buddies, for their comments and blogs full of funny, for my chronic bad hair, including my nostril hair, which often plagues me *chokes back sob*, for The Queen, and what she's done for my Mondays, *I wipe my nose*, for my Edward Doll *I fan my face with my gloved hand* and for all his Adventures *I put my face in my hand and wail, some kind soul ushers me off the stage as a smatter of applause ripples across the audience, producers cue the commercial to Febreze*
It could happen.
So, thank you, Insanity Kim, for my awesome award!
Now, I bestow this award on those bloggers out there which I would brave an army of diseased and deadly Zombie Chickens just to read their funny.
*Much More Than Mommy, who started this mission with me
*Jenny On The Spot, who wears black nail polish and who I admire greatly
*Speaking From The Crib, who has already received this award because she's awesome
*For Love or Funny, because she is so very, you guessed it, funny
*Wendiwinn, even though she's too cool to accept awards
So, thank you and high fives all around!